First it was Spiro Agnew, then Richard Nixon, Elliot Spitzer brought it to a higher level, and now we can add a new name to the list of thieves and liars who promised honesty in public service. Unnamed sources have come forward to authorities this evening to tell tales of one man's deceit and misappropriation of summer funds.
In what is probably not a first for West Potomac Rugby Football Club, the summer administrator has been charged with misappropriation of team funds. An unnamed source (Reuben "The Sandwich" Barris) has levied accusations against Kyle "Koz" Kosinksi in his handling of team entry fees.
The charges are severe and, unfortunately, not localized to one incident. The Sandwich went on record to claim Koz charged 50 dollars per entrant for the Philly Cheesesteak 7's tournament. The 12 players contributed to Koz's slush fund a total of 600 dollars, yet the entry fee was only 150 dollars. What happened to the rest of money? Sandwich explains, "All I know is after the tournament Koz was pretty amped up to get into downtown Philly. He kept talking about all the great strip clubs downtown and how his performance garnered bottle service."
The second incident occured just last week as once again Koz overcharged the volunteer squad of West Pot 7s players. Although not as egregious as Philly, Koz managed to embezzle a cool $100. When questioned at Hamilton's Bar and Grille, Koz offered a handful of guys $1 cans of PBR in exchange for their silence. "I understand the concept of extra money going for beer money, but the guys didn't drink 100 cans of PBR on Saturday night," Reuben continued, "Koz spending 5 bucks to steal 100 is a great deal...for him."
The West Pot hierarchy released individual statements, some with a bit more color than others. To Koz's defense sprang a spry Paul Gessner, "What's the big deal? A couple of bucks here and there is fair compensation for handling all these pricks' money." A spokeswoman for the Summer Skip, Dave "Bible" Gedeon, gave reporters the following quote, "Bible is not jumping to conclusions in this case. He will wait for all of the facts to be delivered to his office before he would even consider asking Koz to step down from the Summer Administrator role. When Bible appointed Koz to this position, he did so because he knew Koz would run a tight ship in the tradition of West Potomac 7s. Unverified accusations will not weaken Bible's support." Robb Stout could not be reached for comment.
In what insiders are saying is the most brazen embezzlement scandal to hit West Pot in months, the only hope 7s players have is swift justice for Koz in the Kangaroo Court. The authorities are also digging deeper into Koz's history to determine if a RICO charge can be brought against him. As the investigation continues to uncover more and more, it is quite possible accomplices may be uncovered. Whether or not the team's higher ups will work to cover up the accusations is yet to be determined, but investigations have already begun so it may be too late for any cover ups.
Stay tuned as the story develops...
5 comments:
they said it was off the record!
Of course that's what Gessner said, he financed an Ivy League education at West Pot expense! Is it any coincidence that Saul has been the treasurer of West Pot for the last 20 years and both his kids went to crazy expensive colleges and who do you think really paid for those houses in Edgewater?
I think that it is important to note that "Spiro Agnew" is an anagram for "Grow A Penis."
Skip,
Are you implying that Koz has a mangina?
Just Asking,
KJ
Let's not forget that we're still waiting on jerseys paid for months ago. According to Koz, "it's the supplier's fault." How many PBRs would $60 from 15 of his teammates pay for?
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